My Dad is Diabetic

About 15 years ago, I found my dad curled up on the ground. His skin was so yellow and he couldn't eat anything. That was the first time I called the ambulance for him. Imagine a young ESL girl, too young to drive and without any relatives in the country to call for help. Yes, it was very scary and still is every time he has an episode now. At that point, I had no idea what was wrong with him. We later found out that he has Type 1 diabetes, which means that he's insulin dependent.

What changed the most after that was Dad's love for food. His weight dropped dramatically. Now I feel he's afraid to eat especially when it comes to sweets, his favorite. He's constantly watching his blood sugar level. It wasn't until this past year that he started having episodes after his new doctor at Kaiser Permanente decided to switch his medicines/dosage every now and then just to see if things would be any better. I feel like his doctor is using him as a human experiment. What will they do when he reacts badly to their new tests and no one is there to help him? Will they take responsibilities?

For the past 12 months, I have already called the ambulance three times. His medicines recommendations turned out to be too strong and he wasn't used to how much food he was supposed to take to balance it out. Luckily one time, his work knew to call me when he didn't show up to work. I instantly called for an ambulance to his place. The police department questioned why I am calling from 360 miles away. You don't know how frustrating this can be. Every minute is so precious at that point. I learned that the police departments in Southern CA is not connected to Northern CA and they don't have a system to look up numbers or transfer you to another location. Most cities only list 911 as their contact number instead of the actually office number.

I ran into a situation where someone near my dad wouldn't call the ambulance thinking that they would have to take care of the medical bills. Seriously? This is completely untrue. When someone's life is in danger and you're wondering about the medical bill, something is wrong with you. I'm just grateful that they at least knew to call me for help. I am very thankful for that.

When my Dad's blood sugar is too low, he will get an episodes of diabetic hypoglycemia. During an episode, he usually makes weird martial arts noise as if he's sleep walking. His eyes were often closed and even if they're open, he will look as if he some how doesn't recognize you anymore. He'll sweat heavily, shake, breath abnormally and act in a drunken stage. If his condition gets any worse, he can get a seizure and lose his consciousness that can lead to brain damage.

I hope that you will never experience this. The feelings that you get wondering about the unknown of your parent's condition is horrible. You don't know how scary it is for me to get any unknown phone calls from his area code.

I hope that whenever you're in a situation where someone needs medical help, that you won't ever hesitate to help. Every life is valuable and helping one person actually helps their family, friends and their entire community.

Happy New Year!

Hope you had a great holiday celebrations. I recently read Steve Job's commencement speech at Stanford in 2005 and found it to be very inspiring. Hope this will help you when you're feeling unsure about your future or sticking to your gut feeling.

Thank you. I'm honored to be with you today for your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. Truth be told, I never graduated from college and this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation.

Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories. The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first six months but then stayed around as a drop-in for another eighteen months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out? It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife, except that when I popped out, they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking, "We've got an unexpected baby boy. Do you want him?" They said, "Of course." My biological mother found out later that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would go to college.

This was the start in my life. And seventeen years later, I did go to college, but I naïvely chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and no idea of how college was going to help me figure it out, and here I was, spending all the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out, I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me and begin dropping in on the ones that looked far more interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms. I returned Coke bottles for the five-cent deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example.

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer was beautifully hand-calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and sans-serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me, and we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts, and since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them.
If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on that calligraphy class and personals computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do.

Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something--your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever--because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.
My second story is about love and loss. I was lucky. I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was twenty. We worked hard and in ten years, Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4,000 employees. We'd just released our finest creation, the Macintosh, a year earlier, and I'd just turned thirty, and then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew, we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so, things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge, and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our board of directors sided with him, and so at thirty, I was out, and very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating. I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down, that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure and I even thought about running away from the Valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me. I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I'd been rejected but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods in my life. During the next five years I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer-animated feature film, "Toy Story," and is now the most successful animation studio in the world.

In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT and I returned to Apple and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance, and Lorene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love, and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work, and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it, and like any great relationship it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don't settle.

My third story is about death. When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important thing I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctors' code for "prepare to die." It means to try and tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next ten years to tell them, in just a few months. It means to make sure that everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope, the doctor started crying, because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and, thankfully, I am fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept. No one wants to die, even people who want to go to Heaven don't want to die to get there, and yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It's life's change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now, the new is you. But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalogue, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stuart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late Sixties, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. it was sort of like Google in paperback form thirty-five years before Google came along. I was idealistic, overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stuart and his team put out several issues of the The Whole Earth Catalogue, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-Seventies and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath were the words, "Stay hungry, stay foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. "Stay hungry, stay foolish." And I have always wished that for myself, and now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay hungry, stay foolish.

Thank you all, very much.

Mega Millions

I have never bought a Mega Millions until a few months ago. I know that some people buy it weekly, while others think that they would never do that. I was one of the "never" people. I thought, why waste my money on something that I'm never going to win. Buying a Mega Millions can mean so much more to some people than just a way to gamble. It's about taking risks and maybe for that good feeling inside that you could instantly become a millionaire, an instant dream come true...or maybe not. Having too much money can also bring troubles. Have you ever thought about what you would do if you were that lucky winner one day?

On a side note, do you believe in Vision Boards?

Christening in a Jar

Last weekend I attended my first Christening for my friend's niece, Samantha aka Sammy. Many people were surprised to know that it was my first time as they revealed that they must have already been to over 10-20 services already. I guess I'm just not very close to many people who attend/hold religious events and that's completely alright with me.

I had no idea that a Christening service could be a community ceremony where many other families and friends are also there to witness their babies on their ways to becoming a Christian. Each baby along with the parents and sponsors aka god parents, all waited in line for their turn with the priest. It was really interesting and educational. The priest even make suggestions of when and where photographers could take pictures.

The babies also had to change outfits and there were even different ways that they can be washed with water, too. This one baby had his legs dunked into the water multiple times, while other babies prefer water to run down their foreheads. Afterward was the reception filled with so many good Filipino food, live band and desserts.

I also came across an old story while reading something from a client called, "Your Life in a Jar" which is something that I have been thinking a lot about lately. Enjoy!

A Professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the Professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The Professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The Professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the space between the grains of sand.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else -the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The Professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Donations

Why is it so much easier to donate clothes that no longer fit me than the ones that I haven't worn in years? They both belong in the unused category, but I just can't seem to say good bye to them. I admit it, I have a lot of clothes. Not because I shop often or anything; I just can't seem to let things go especially when they're in perfectly good conditions. I keep thinking that I'll find other ways to make use of them or find someone to give them to, but I don't. Instead they're hidden away underneath my bed. Must remind myself that my next bed should be very low to the ground, so I can eliminate this hiding place all together.

Last night a high school kid asked me for bus money. I said no, but can't stop feeling bad about it. I have no idea if his reason is true or not. Back in my younger days, I used to walk for hours and have never asked a stranger for money. I don't know what type of situation this kid is in, but I wonder if it's easier for people to ask strangers for things now than in my days.

The last time that I donated money was to this homeless man carrying a sign that reads, "Please Share Just One Quarter." Something about it made me really sad as if people get mad at him for standing near the freeway with his sign. What would you do if you were homeless, have you ever thought about that? Where would you go for anything when you have no one to turn to?

May Day Queer Contingent, Los Angeles

All I can say about my last two month is "May Day." Here's our press release and pictures below.

A “QUEER” CONTINGENT JOINS ICE DETENTION CENTER PROTEST, MAY DAY MARCH FOR IMMIGRATION REFORM AND IN SOLIDARITY AGAINST ARIZONA’S SB 1070

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Community Calls For Comprehensive Humane Immigration Reform inclusive of LGBT issues.

Los Angeles, CA—On May Day/International Worker’s Day, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer (LGBTQ) advocacy groups march for humane immigration reform which protects LGBTQ individuals, their partners, families, and children. Wearing red shirts and carrying gay flags, a large “Queer” contingent include members of The Latino Equality Alliance, API Equality LA, Equality California, Coalición Trans Latina, Gamba Adisa, Sin Fronteras, The Wall / Las Memorias, Proyecto Orgullo-BIENESTAR, Faith for Equality, Asian Pacific Aids Intervention Team (APAIT), Proyecto Igualdad, Asian Queer Women Activists, National Gay and Lesbian Taskforce and other LGBT Groups.

“The gay community supports human rights and dignity in the application of federal immigration laws and policies. The LGBT community is well aware of the harm caused to individuals and families that unconstitutional laws like Arizona’s new anti-immigrant law, SB 1070, which criminalizes the undocumented, and California’s Proposition 8, which denies marriage rights to the LGBT community” said Suyapa Portillo, board member of the Latino Equality Alliance and co-founder of Gamba Adisa, queer women, gender non-conforming, and trans people of color collective. “The LGBT community urges President Obama and Congress to act fairly and swiftly to update immigration laws and policies that are harmful and separate families.”

LGBTQ specific Immigration Reform Action Items include:

• Uniting American Families Act. If passed, this law would recognize more than 36,000 bi-national same-sex couples in the United States, 47% of which are raising children.
• Support the DREAM ACT for all youth and recognition of LGBT and queer youth. Immigrant youth who are LGBTQ-identified must be acknowledged in the larger fight for education and youth self-empowerment. Many undocumented youth will graduate with honors from their universities and will not be able to contribute to society and the economy because of their legal status.
• Support LGBTQ worker rights within immigration reform. Although many workers are covered under LGBTQ laws and protections in this country, these protections exclude non-documented immigrants.
• End the 12-month rule to file for asylum seekers. Twelve months is not enough time for LGBTQ immigrants fleeing trauma and violence to obtain adequate resources and representation to file for asylum.
• Stop abuse against LGBTQ immigrants, particularly transgender immigrants, in detention centers. LGBTQ people often face physical violence, rape, and emotional and mental abuse in detention. One resounding example is the case of Victoria Arellano’s death in ICE detention; Arellano died marginalized for being a transgender person and cut off from live saving health care.
• Stop all forms of militarization and violence at the various borders. Border militarization must cease immediately, particularly biometrics and infrared technology utilized to criminalize immigrants.
  

Do You Know About Pharyngitis?

Everyone gets a sore throat, but do you ever look at your tonsils to see how bad they look? My tonsils never looked this bad before and I thought that I could just get some over the counter medicine to fix it. Luckily a few curious minds asked to see them then strongly advised me to see a doctor instead. Three hours later, one nurse and doctor down, I got my first doctor's note to take two days off for Pharyngitis. Did you know that you can't get amoxicillin over the counter in the US? Everything that ends in "gitis" sounds scary.

I learned that I'm now "c o n t a g i o u s." I can cough directly into my enemy's mouth to infect them. In seven days the antibiotics will work its way to get rid of my sore throat, swollen tonsils, body-aches and chills. It's already day 4 and almost everything is gone except for the minor body-aches. Maybe I just need to start exercising at work. I should take small walks during my breaks or something. Do you take a break at work or do any stretches?